What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
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Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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