I met the friendliest cop last night
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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