it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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