I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize