I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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