Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
