nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
