when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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