I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
