Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
