Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My liver just broke up with me...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
