So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
