...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
