wakey wakey hands off snakey
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
