Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
