Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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