sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
