TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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