Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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