I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I want to fling myself into the sun
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
