I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
