From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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