I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
