I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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