wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
