Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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