when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
