I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
