he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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