she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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