Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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