Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
this is an emotional support booty call
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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