I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
