escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize