Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
