Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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