If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
