My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
