8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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