When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
