I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
