If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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