Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
