He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
