Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
