I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
