Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you had me at cake vodka
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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