y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
