the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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