I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
