I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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