i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
