Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
