O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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