There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
