Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
