I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
