I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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