Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
