i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
