You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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