On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
