I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
