he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
