Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
