my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
