I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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