she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
